Confessions of a Hopeful Geek

It's been awhile.

2008-12-20T15:12:00.000-08:00

So, I still have a job. I didn't think I was going to make it to Christmas, but now I'm on vacation for the rest of the year.

We'll see how long this lasts. Hopefully they realize it would be incredibly short-sighted to eliminate our department, because it's going to be that much harder to replace staff after the economy turns around when they're not the high-bidder.

I totally lose my shit at the end of part 2. Also part 3. And 4.

2008-08-14T20:24:00.000-07:00

It was a very good day.

2008-08-10T12:07:00.001-07:00

So far today I have:

1) Fed a camel
2) Gone for a ride in the Batcopter from the 1960's TV series
3) Eaten deep-fried garlic mashed potatoes on a stick
4) Raced against my wife on a giant slide (she won)
5) Watched a lamb win grand prize
6) Saw a life-size cow and calf made out of butter (as well as a Mt. Rushmore type sculpture featuring all 8 Presidents from Ohio)

He's so arrogant and pompous I want to kiss him.

2008-07-20T08:01:00.000-07:00

How am I always the last to know these things?

2008-06-28T04:54:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I found out that my wife starts school on Monday and that it was her last day at work.

Thanks for keeping me informed, honey.

What time is it? Time for awesome!

2008-06-04T20:13:00.000-07:00

I have become obsessed with watches. This could be become dangerous.

The primary object of my obsession: the Omega Speedmaster Professional. This picture doesn't really do it justice, but this is the watch they wore on the FUCKING MOON! This picture is model 3570.50, but I may see if I can find a used 3572.50, which has been discontinued, but looks identical save for a display back so I can watch all the gears move. It's a manual-wind, which could be fun.

Second, this is the Tag Heuer Monaco Chronograph. Steve FUCKING McQueen wore this watch in LeMans. That is all.

Third, one of the most iconic watches of the past 50 years: the Rolex Submariner. This thing has barely changed since 1954. And Sean Connery wears one in the early Bond films.

The Hamilton Ventura: the most affordable watch on the list, but also the least practical for day to day wear. Still totally awesome. Quartz movement is somewhat less exciting, however.

Finally, I really like these Bell & Ross Instrument watches. They're totally rad, totally laughably insane, but may ultimately turn out to be a fad.

Wii Fit: My sad, obese lifestyle is ending?

2008-05-26T10:37:00.000-07:00

We went to GameStop yesterday, right before wasting money on Indiana Jones. I asked the manager if they had any Wii Fits in stock. "Technically, no" he replied "but we've given people six days to pick these things up" before grabbing one from the back room. If anyone asked, I was to tell them I pre-ordered it, because they had apparently told "about 400 people" that they didn't have any non-reserved copies.

If any of this is true, I care not. He sold me one, and that's all that matters.

Hooked it up last night, and I spent about a half hour playing it. I was sore today. Not Wii-Sports boxing sore, but I am morbidly obese, and this "exercise" thing is new to me. Yesterday's WiiFit age: 39. Today's: 31. So there's some progress.

I have bad balance, but I can actually see this helping me with that. It's got a bunch of sensors, and it's fun. So fun you don't really realize you're exercising. That is, until 30 minutes later when you realize that your fat, swollen body is covered in sweat. Like you've just finished eating or masturbating or something.

Apparently I've already lost 3.3 pounds, although the measurements were taken at different times of day, and the Wii Fit tells me that I'm probably fatter than the scale indicates because 4:30 isn't the same as 12:00 and I should eat some broccoli so that people will like me again.

Anyway, here's to a (hopefully) thinner, less morbidly obese me.

Indiana Jones and the Stolen $12.50 (SPOILERS!!!!)

2008-05-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

I feel cheated.

George Lucas, the anti-Midas (everything he touches turns to shit), has ruined yet another franchise of my youth. This movie was a complete wreck from start to finish. Literally. The first shot is a retarded CGI prairie dog who returns several retarded times throughout the film. The last shot is the end of a wedding between Indy and Marion. Completely pointless. Completely stupid. Completely Lucas.

Spielberg and Ford were apparently very excited about the Frank Darabont script. So excited, in fact, that George Lucas decided to throw it away. And shit on it. And hire somebody to write a script based on his story.

I am so angry right now. Angry at the crappy M. Night Shyamalan-esque direction and fifteen-minutes-into-the-exposition-and-you've-already-figured-out-the-big-surprise-twist-ending story. Angry at the fucking monkey-trapeze bullshit. Angry at lame CGI effects. Angry at Shia LaBeouf's Jar-Jar lameness. Angry at everything. It didn't just not work, it fell flat in every possible way imaginable.

I can only imagine Back to the Future IV is next, complete with both a trip to a future where we are ruled by alien-robot overlords and trip to the Triassic era in an effort to create a paradox that eliminates this distopian future. Sigh.

Drunken Orson = Awesome.

2008-05-12T19:32:00.001-07:00

He wrote, directed, and starred in Citizen Kane before he was 27. I'm a fucking loser.

Not a robot, but it will do.

2008-04-15T18:14:00.000-07:00

http://view.break.com/487616 - Watch more free videos

8 in a row.

2008-02-15T05:32:00.000-08:00

We'll find out Tuesday if we can make it 10.

I am now volunteering for the Obama campaign in Ohio.

Changed the name of the blog. Hopefully it's not temporary.

Hope's not dead yet!

2008-02-11T19:59:00.001-08:00

My doom and gloom may have been premature. 5 wins in a row. The possibility to win the next 5. Then I get to vote on Mar 4. I'm so excited I donated money, and those who know me know that never happens.

Hope for the future of our country was fun while it lasted.

2008-01-08T19:42:00.000-08:00

The Clinton political machine now appears to be back in the saddle. Any chance I would vote for a major party candidate for the first time in my life is likely as dead as my faith in the political system.

America's Worst Post Office

2007-12-21T13:09:00.000-08:00

The USPS office in German Village, Columbus, OH is the worst post office in America.

Examples of their craptacular ineptitude:

Authorizations to hold mail are only recognized about 50% of the time. This means if you go on vacation, everyone knows about it because you're advertising that you're not home. Burglars rejoice!

10% of the mail in your post office box was incorrectly sorted and belongs in someone else's box. Not everyone is as honest as you, so god knows how much of your mail has been lost.

Tracking numbers on USPS.com are meaningless. It will probably be at least 8 days after USPS.com says a package was delivered to your box before you will actually get the package. If you ask the people behind the counter to look for it, and show them the delivery confirmation, they are usually unable to find the package in the back.

Customer service is abysmal. This post office is where people apparently get demoted to. It's the last stop on your way out of the service. Good riddance.

I'm a bastard because this tugs at my heartstrings more than that Sally Struthers crap.

2007-12-20T22:18:00.000-08:00

Southeast Asian prison is awesome.

2007-12-20T22:17:00.000-08:00

Awesome, of course, until you realize that anyone out of step is caned immediately afterward.

Oh. My. God.

2007-12-20T21:21:00.001-08:00

Some people should not be allowed to breed. Much less have multiple children.

This woman is the worst human being who has ever lived. She is the reason most of the world hates Americans. And I am now in complete agreement with the rest of the world. We are worthless. Kill us all. Destroy our country. Seriously, this is 9-1-1.

Part of me just died.

2007-12-19T12:51:00.001-08:00

Some say it was Bacon.

2007-12-19T12:26:00.000-08:00

This video made me so happy I've actually disgusted myself. But how can a human being not love the combination of Levar Burton and Kermit the Frog.

Wii for Mii!

2007-12-07T16:51:00.000-08:00

Got a call from my mom this week. She was in a Sam's Club in New York and saw that they had one. She put it in her cart, called me up and we had the following conversation (paraphrased):

Mom: "Hey. I'm at a Sam's Club in New York, and they have a Wii and I hear they're kind of rar..."

Me: "YES!"

Mom: "..e. So you want me to pick it up for you?"

Me: "YES!"

Mom: "Ok. Love you. Bye."

Me: "YES!"

Wha?

2007-12-04T17:17:00.000-08:00

This almost made my wife cry. I kinda threw up a little in my mouth.

2007-11-10T13:04:00.000-08:00

Apparently it's robot day here at the Geek.

2007-11-10T13:00:00.001-08:00

Everyone loves dancing robots.

2007-11-10T12:54:00.000-08:00

The robot uprising is Nigh.

2007-11-10T12:00:00.000-08:00

I'm genuinely creeped out at -:35.

Fun with Electricity

2007-11-08T17:46:00.001-08:00

April on the JumboTron

2007-11-04T19:01:00.000-08:00

Went to watch the Blues play in enemy territory tonight and they flashed my wife onscreen with a picture of America Ferrara and the caption "Separated at Birth?"

She was not amused.

And we're off.

2007-10-05T19:32:00.000-07:00

We've just finished packing for our first major vacation of the year: a trip to San Juan, Barbados, Antiqua, St. Lucia, St. Maarten, and St. Thomas. Leaving tomorrow and getting back on eight days later. I'm especially happy because I've only taken two days off this year.

Random things I thought about today.

2007-10-01T16:48:00.000-07:00

1. I think I could vote for Obama. I've never voted for a major-party candidate, and while I'm really a single-issue voter (taxes), Obama is pretty charming. Charming enough to ignore that I'll pay more taxes under his watch than I would under whoever the Republicans bring out, and way more than I would pay if a Libertarian ever had a chance to win an election.

2. Hillary looks horrible in high-def. Scary. If HD televisions were in more households, there's no way she'd be the frontrunner. She'd be polling behind George Jefferson. And she's only going to get worse looking. Take a look at how Presidents age from their inauguration until they leave office. Aging is accelerated by at least twice normal speed. Given that HD is becoming more prevalent, there is no way she could get re-elected. I think sales of HDTV's could spike because people will be interested in seeing Hillary's train-wreck of a face deteriorate before our eyes.

3. I want an iPhone, but this 1.1.1 stuff has me rethinking it. The phone has amazing potential, but unless Apple embraces third-party development, I'm pessimistic about it. Sure, ATT won't allow VOIP and IM apps, but there are some great pieces of software out there that Apple is crippling.

4. Why can't I buy a compact diesel hatchback in this country that isn't a VW?

This post will send me directly to hell.

2007-09-16T08:48:00.000-07:00

I've been referring to gasoline as "dead soldiers" for a couple of months now, as in "I've got to go put some dead soldiers in my tank" or "$3.50 a dead soldier? Ridiculous. I remember when they were 99 cents." Now, Alan Greenspan is releasing a book where he says the entire Iraq war was about oil. Well, duh.

I'm less of a fan of Greenspan than I used to be. The man is single-handedly responsible for the entire housing bubble and the subsequent subprime-lending meltdown. But he's definitely spot-on here.

If "Walking with Dinosaurs" comes to your town, you owe it to yourself to see it.

2007-08-26T08:39:00.000-07:00

That is, if you love dinosaurs.

It was one of the most amazing things I've ever seen in my entire life. I had goosebumps for two straight hours.

Fight The Power!

2007-08-26T08:28:00.001-07:00

I should preface this by saying I'm not a Republican....

2007-08-24T19:06:00.000-07:00

On arriving at the restaurant where we were eating dinner tonight we drove around a very full parking lot looking for a space. Some asshat decided to take up a space and half. Plastered across his bumper was an enormous sticker proclaiming "Proud to be a Democrat!" to which I responded "Proud to be an ass, more like it."

April was quite upset by this sticker. She is a Democrat.

Maybe if I was more Japanese, I'd be less horrified.

2007-08-13T18:30:00.001-07:00

He's tough but nice!

2007-08-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

Impulse Purchase of the day: Tickets to this!

2007-08-05T20:16:00.000-07:00

Closed Captioning for the Cognition Impaired provided by....

2007-08-02T17:27:00.000-07:00

At the bar tonight while grabbing some dinner, the wife and I were watching footage from yesterday's Minnesota bridge collapse on CNN. She was just about to lose it and start crying, when the closed-captioning flashed the nugget "Rememberism of Jerpz" in the middle of the sentence. It took us both so out of it contextually that we were unable to recover for a good 30-45 seconds before finally being able to re-understand the words on the screen.

Like you wouldn't buy this if you had a billion dollars.

2007-07-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

Johnny 5 truly is alive!

Shock-a-rina of time

2007-07-20T18:34:00.000-07:00

Transformers: Nerds in disguise

2007-06-21T18:53:00.000-07:00

Shit!

2007-06-21T18:50:00.001-07:00

Next stop: Platinum!

2007-06-17T05:07:00.001-07:00

In 8 days I'll have earned Gold Status on American Airlines. Between now and then I'm flying 6,762 miles on 9 flights. In theory, Platinum should be a little easier to get because I'll get a 25% bonus on all mileage earned as a result of Gold Status.

Walking? For chumps.

2007-06-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

And now your moment of Zen.

2007-05-19T20:00:00.000-07:00

Arrgh! Packing!

2007-05-19T17:47:00.000-07:00

I really don't want to pack. I just travelled six consecutive work days: Thursday - the following Thursday, so I've kind of been living out of bags. And I've worked two consecutive Saturdays. I am a crankypants.

I'm getting on a plane in the morning for Vegas, and returning *sigh* Thursday. This will not be Vegas-Vegas, but instead be work-every-single-waking-second-from-Monday-through-Wednesday-Vegas.

I'm taking Friday off, Monday is a holiday, and I'm cranky.

It's a genuine Renaissance, Casey.

2007-05-19T17:31:00.001-07:00

So I saw New York City for the first time since May of 2002. I haven't been back since graduation, and haven't really felt a whole lot of desire to do so. Lately, though, I've been slightly nostalgic for Manhattan. I didn't really do anything in New York, since I didn't leave LaGuardia, but I did get some great flybys of the island. I also saw Ground Zero for the first time on Thursday, as we flew north along the western side of the island and I was on the right-hand side of the plane. I specifically didn't go south of Canal the last 8 months or so I lived there because it was still a little too fresh, a little too real. While I don't think I could handle seeing it any closer than I did from the air, I guess it's still a little easier to deal with than it was.

My friend is planning to walk the entire perimeter of Manhattan in a single day. He says it's 30+ miles, and should about 14 hours. Immediately after flying over it and seeing it, I sent him an email on my Blackberry from the tarmac telling him I think he's insane. I walked from Union Square to the history museum right before graduation. Needless to say I took the subway back. I told him that he'll be miserable by hour six.

You don't really get a sense of the size of the island when you're living there. Some days it seems so much bigger than it is, somedays it seems so much smaller. Regardless of the size, it looks awesome from the air.

Care to guess how long this island is?

2007-05-14T18:22:00.000-07:00

If you said "Somewhere in the vicinity of Three Miles," you win a prize. The prize: nuclear radiation!

And apparently getting worse.

2007-05-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

On Thursday (while traveling Mach .93), I was asked to go to Port St. Lucie, FL next week.

Instead of booking a ticket to West Palm Beach (the closest airport), I'm flying in to Fort Lauderdale, about 45 miles south. This saved $300, and allowed me to get in two hours earlier. The rental car was also $10 cheaper per day from Fort Lauderdale.

So now, my travel schedule for the next two weeks looks like this:

Monday - Fly to Harrisburg, PA and back.
Tuesday - Fly from Columbus to New York City, and then to Fort Lauderdale
Thursday - Fly from Fort Lauderdale to New York City, and then back to Columbus.
Sunday - Fly from Columbus to Dallas, and then to Las Vegas.
Thursday - Fly from Las Vegas to Dallas, and then back to Columbus

And, when I'm in Fort Lauderdale, I'll be doing lots of driving. On my trip to Minneapolis two weeks ago, I put 550 miles on a rental car in two days. Considering that Fort Lauderdale is 109 miles from where I actually need to end up, I would imagine this trip will require significantly more mileage.

I'm going to go plant a tree or something to get over my guilt.

I am bad for the environment.

2007-05-09T17:59:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I'll be flying with two other people on a Cessna Citation X, an 8 passenger jet from Columbus to Milwaukee. We're picking up three people there, and continuing on to Minneapolis. This will burn copious amounts of fuel.

I'll be flying back commercial on Friday, while the people we picked up in Milwaukee and one member of our original party fly back on the Cessna later in the day on Thursday. The Milwaukee to Columbus flight will have a passenger load of one. Horrible.

On Monday I'm flying to Harrisburg, PA and back on the Gulfstream. At least we'll have a full passenger load.

Jeans for the year.

2007-05-06T19:41:00.000-07:00

Went to The Gap yesterday and bought five pairs of jeans and a jacket for $130. I'd like to publicly thank my mom for teaching me how to shop.

Apple TV: Broadcast Television nowhere near dead

2007-04-28T10:19:00.000-07:00

I had some time to kill at a mall Thursday while my appointment was running a few minutes behind.

Naturally I wandered over to the Apple store so that I could play around with computers that don't suck. Excited to finally play around with the Apple TV, I gave it a whirl for about five minutes. While the interface was predictably flawless, I was left thoroughly unimpressed overall.

First, the picture quality sucks. I tried watching South Park, Heroes, and Pirates of the Caribbean. In all cases, the picture quality was really pixelated, jumpy, and the colors weren't very good. It was a step above YouTube video quality. Nowhere near broadcast. It makes sense that it's going to be really compressed to make downloads make any sense, but I walked away with the feeling that things you download from the iTunes store should either be watched on your computer monitor (provided that you don't have anything bigger than a 15" screen) or an iPod. It just doesn't translate well to a TV screen.

Secondly, the sound didn't seem to necessarily sync up with the picture. It was off by just a hair, but what an annoying hair. If the picture quality is going to be an issue, than the sound at least better sync up with the bad picture.

Finally, the selection of video is still somewhat limited in that you can only get stuff available on the iTunes store. While they've made great progress in this area, there is a wealth of great movies and shows that just aren't available yet.

While I think the concept of the Apple TV is great, it would appear that we're still a few years away from the technology that allows it to work well. Don't waste your money. If you do, it's thankfully pretty cheap.

I'm speechless. Absolutely speechless.

2007-04-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

I wish I had a better quality (and more complete) version of this.

2007-04-14T13:11:00.000-07:00

Brilliant.

So the big secret...

2007-04-08T17:13:00.000-07:00

...is that my sister is now engaged. Her boyfriend (who we're crazy about) called me yesterday to ask if I was cool with him asking her. Of course I totally was.

I understand he also asked my parents if it was cool.

They're thinking maybe June '08. I can't wait.

I just learned a secret!

2007-04-07T10:28:00.000-07:00

But I can't really talk about it until tomorrow just in case certain people read this blog. Which I doubt, but I'm going to play it safe.

I really don't get my parents.

2007-04-06T19:26:00.000-07:00

My parents are moving to Cincinnati as early as sometime this year for my dad's work. My dad has talked about his desire to move into a smaller house for, probably, six years. And yet, somehow, they've fallen in love with a house that's 3,000 square feet bigger than the one they have now.

I mean, Jeebus. It's just the two of them. My sister will not be making the move to Cincinnati. What the hell are they going to do with almost 9,000 square feet? They can't even figure out how to use all the house they have now. Ridiculous.

Useless crap I want. Part One.

2007-04-05T19:45:00.000-07:00

The world's coolest Bluetooth handset.

LED lights that attach to the faucet. They glow blue until the water hits 89 degrees, and then they switch to red.

Space Invaders wall coverings.

Mos Eisley bookends

Because I always forget to carry business cards.

My new heroes.

2007-03-14T19:24:00.000-07:00

Paper or Plastic

2007-03-14T17:11:00.000-07:00

I have essentially completely converted over to electronic money. My payroll is sent electronically, all my bills are paid electronically, I buy everything with credit cards so I can get the points, and then I electronically pay off the credit cards every month. The only thing I get non-electronic are expense checks (although they're finally switching over to an electronic reimbursement system soon) and the only thing I pay non-electronically is my rent because I pay people, not a corporation (and believe me, I'd love to put the rent on my credit card for the miles.) But in both of those cases, I never actually see the money. Instead a dollar amount is written on the paper, and all the funds are moved electronically.

I'm beginning to think I don't actually have any money. I mean, I haven't seen any of it in awhile. I just have a computer screen that tells me how much money I have, shows me who has sent it to me, and where it's been moved around or spent.

I'm officially playing with Imperial credits.

It's time.

2007-03-06T17:38:00.000-08:00

Time for us to buy a house. That sound you hear? It's April crying because she doesn't want to be an adult.

Peter: Everyone has three mortgages these days.
Ray: But at 19% interest?!?
Egon: For your information, Ray, the interest alone in the first five years comes to over $75,000.

Maybe I should organize the homeless.

2007-03-01T18:05:00.000-08:00

I don't really care for unions. Basically, I have a hard time getting behind any organization that pays homeless people $10 a day and no benefits to stand out in the snow and cold and pretend to be union members and picket a job site for unfair working conditions. Irony, thy name is Hypocrites Local 234.

Oatmeal?

2007-02-20T17:24:00.000-08:00

My mom is....kind of a packrat.

Case in point: she finally threw out some oatmeal that expired 10 years and 25 days ago. She bought this oatmeal when we lived in St. Louis, moved it to Ohio (where it expired) and moved it back to St. Louis two years later. It's been in every pantry I can remember for about as far back as I can remember. We teased her about how long ago it expired. She finally relented and threw it away yesterday.

I think I'll miss seeing it when I go over there.

Belated post-flights blog.

2007-02-07T17:42:00.000-08:00

I kept something of a running commentary in a notebook throughout the trip-day (which is now a week and a half old), the contents of which are below.

4:37 AM - Columbus
I'm awake. I pretty much have been for about an hour. I'm so excited I could barely sleep last night.

5:45 AM - Columbus Airport
Airport security was a complete breeze, as might be expected this time of morning. I'm actually kind of surprised no one said anything about my traveling contents:
5 issues of GQ
3 issues of Details
2 issues of Dwell
1 issue of Time
3 Books: "Positively Outrageous Service," "Why Service Stinks," and "Don Quixote"
1 box of Low Fat Brown Sugar Cinnamon PopTarts
1 box of Fruit Snacks
1 bottle of aspirin
1 iPod shuffle (Thanks, April!)
1 Blackberry
1 cell phone
1 bottle of eyedrops
Clearly this is the traveling ephemera of a man up to no good.

6:15 AM - Columbus Airport
My mom is right. This entire trip is crazy.

6:30 AM - Columbus Airport
Boarding time. As is to be expected with the modern airline industry, there isn't a gate agent in sight.

6:35 AM - Columbus Airport
Gate agent arrives.

6:40 AM - Columbus Airport
I wonder if John Traveler gets confused when he looks at American's standby list.

6:45 AM - Columbus Airport
Now boarding.

7:15 AM - Columbus Airport
Takeoff

7:28 AM - Somewhere over Ohio
I like Regina Spektor. Thanks again for the iPod, lovely wife!

8:00 AM - Somewhere over Illinois?
I've just finished the in-flight magazine. It was probably the most boring issue of American Way I've ever read. Which is sad, because I actually enjoy going through American Way.

8:01 AM - Somewhere over Illinois?
I think I just tore my rotator cuff reaching down to get into my bag.

8:02 AM - Somewhere over Illinois.
Beginning initial descent.

8:20 AM/7:20 AM Central - St. Louis Airport
Exiting the plane.

7:45 AM - St. Louis Airport
Just got off the phone with my parents. I definitely sensed bemusement on the other end at this whole scenario. They thought about coming to visit me, but it's 7 fucking 45 in the morning.

7:48 AM - St. Louis Airport
I love airports. Specifically, I love that you can get a beer at 7:48 in the morning at airports.

7:50 AM - St. Louis Airport
There are lots of people here who are actually going places. Chumps.

8:15 AM - St. Louis Airport
I've never really understood the concept of a Brooks Brothers at the airport. Do people really buy suits at the airport? And wouldn't it make more sense to put it by baggage claim so that if the airline lost your bags, you actually could buy a suit if you had an important meeting? TSA isn't going to let you back through security to buy a suit unless you have a ticket for that day.

8:18 AM - St. Louis Airport
Hustler magazine. Do people really buy this at the airport? Do they read it on the plane? Will the flight attendants ask you to put it away? Will they whisper in hushed tones about you if you decide to use the bathroom in-flight, assuming that you're making a withdrawal from the spank bank? Inquiring minds want to know. Seriously, one of these days I'm buying Hustler magazine at the airport.

8:20 AM - St. Louis Airport
The guy at the gate is going around looking at bags to see if any of them need to be gate checked. He reminds me of what Jim Broadbent and Dick Cheney's love-child might look like.

8:40 AM - St. Louis Airport
Boarding.

8:42 AM (Central Time)- 11:30 AM (Eastern Time) - Somewhere between St. Louis and Philadelphia
I was assigned the only seat in the first row. The flight attendant let me move to my own row heading to Philly. I've put all the armrests up and am pretty much treating the row like a sofa, complete with feet up on the seat. I've spent the entire flight reading GQ magazine. Seriously, I never realized how long it takes to read a magazine from cover to cover.

11:30 AM - Nearing Philadelphia
Beginning initial descent.

11:40 AM - Over metro Philly
It really is sunny in Philadelphia.

11:41 AM - Over metro Philly
I wonder if I can make it to that IKEA and back in time to go to Chicago.

11:41 AM - Over metro Philly
Better not risk it.

11:42 AM - Over metro Philly
Shipyards are really, really cool.

11:50 AM - Philadelphia Airport
Disembarking plane.

11:59 AM - Philadelphia Airport
Worried about a short layover in Chicago, I've just gotten myself put on the earlier flight out of here. There were 68 empty seats, so no big deal.

12:00 PM - Philadelphia Airport
Lunch options in A terminal are pretty lame. I've just ordered a beer and a pretzel.

12:48 PM - Philadelphia Airport
The lunch options in the B&C terminals are significantly better. Dammit.

1:18 PM - Philadelphia Airport
Somewhat bored with walking around, I order a latte. When paying, I am informed that there is a $10 minimum charge for credit cards. I inform them that this is a blatant and direct violation of their service agreement with Visa. I am charged $10 for a latte, and have added Java & Jazz to my shitlist. I will be notifying Visa of the transgression. Best case scenario: they lose their ability to accept Visa cards for 30 days, or have to pay higher processing fees. Fuckers. (Update: I did report them to Visa the next week. And Mastercard. Don't fuck with me or your service agreement with the credit card companies. Just another way I look out for you, the consumer, here at Hopeless Geek.)

1:30ish - 2:00ish PM - Philadelphia Airport
Sitting around, listening to music, and reading Details magazine

2:00 PM - Philadelphia Airport
Now boarding. I've got a whole row to myself again.

2:28 PM (Eastern)- Philadelphia Airport
Takeoff.

3:53 PM (Central) - Chicago O'Hare
Landed. I can't believe I haven't even made it through 3 magazines. Seriously, who has time to read more than one magazine a month?

4:08 PM - Chicago O'Hare
I'm debating getting on an earlier flight to Columbus. At this point I'll probably have a pretty crappy seat. Better not risk it.

4:48 PM - Chicago O'Hare
I've just bought April a Bears hat and myself an issue of The Economist and Hustler magazine. Somewhere, a computer algorithm is scrutinizing this purchase.

5:13 PM - Chicago O'Hare
I've just ordered some sort of burrito for dinner. Not bad. I brought along a bunch of food to eat so that I could avoid paying ridiculous airport food prices, but apparently I really like airport food selections.

6:01 PM - Chicago O'Hare
Now boarding. My trip is coming to an end.

6:12 PM (Central) - 8:40 PM (Eastern) - Chicago to Columbus
Seriously, you barely make it to cruising altitude on this flight. By the way, I finished my third magazine.

8:40 PM - Columbus
Done. Can't believe it. Waste of time, energy, money, and fuel. When can I do it again?

Things I learned:
A winter coat isn't necessary if you never leave the airport. You'll be cold coming from and getting to your car, but you don't need it the rest of the day.
You will bring way to much to read. It is impossible to read more than five magazines in a day if you go through them cover to cover.
It is impossible to resist airport food.
The airlines lost money on me today.

The Gold Standard

2007-01-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

I have decided that it's necessary for me to become a Gold passenger on American Airlines. This is somewhat difficult because I can't always fly AA out of Columbus the way I could in St. Louis. But there's a special line that allows you get through security faster, you accumulate miles quicker, etc.

I need to rack up 29 flight segments between now and the end of the year to qualify for Gold status. I will earn 4 segments on Saturday.

Since April is at work all day, I decided to try to find a cheap way to rack up some miles and segments. I did a search for flights within 90 miles of NYC and sorted by fare. The cheapest one was about $120. This flight takes me to Philadelphia (via St. Louis) in the morning and back to Columbus (via Chicago) in the evening.

I'm going to bring along a bunch of magazines.

Rock and a hard place

2007-01-15T17:20:00.000-08:00

As anyone who knows me is acutely aware, I don't support spending tax dollars on corporate bailouts. In fact, I don't support taxes in general.

Northwest Airlines today added fuel to my "so incompetent that giving them tax dollars is criminal" argument. I flew from Memphis to Tri-Cities airport today on a plane that seats 34 passengers. On board the plane were nine of us. The picture above was taken when we hit cruising altitude. I was in row 7. As you can see, there was one person in front of me.

This flight never should have taken off with 74% of the seats empty. Seriously, they couldn't have advertised $100 fares someplace to fill the plane up? Ridiculous.

On the other hand, if they had cancelled the flight, I probably would be just as furious with the airline.

Three pints= drunk Ryan

2007-01-13T18:34:00.000-08:00

2.5 on empt y stocmach.

Ate turtle. Like fish basically.

Now wiht Starbuckks. Yum.

I can't read.

2006-12-25T09:14:00.000-08:00

Read a headline on Yahoo! this morning that said "Pope prays for needy children at Christmas." I read it as "Pope prays for nerdy children at Christmas." Which he should.

Onboard I'm a captain...so climb onboard.

2006-12-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

I was completely humbled and humiliated by the sea on Saturday. While trying to kayak on the ocean in 60 degree water I got thrown off the boat (ocean kayak...you can fall off.) I used a bunch of energy getting back on the boat, only to be thrown off almost immediately thereafter. I got back on, thrown back off. It was all I could do at this point to just hang on to the boat. Of course, I got thrown off again. I got to the point where I wasn't sure I could make it back to the shore, and had a little help doing so. Once I made it back, I promptly threw up on the beach, completely exhausted. The seagulls ate my puke.

Vacation. Sort of.

2006-12-14T19:19:00.000-08:00

So I'm officially on vacation for the rest of year. That said, I'll probably head into the office at some point Mon-Wed to take care of some things that need to be taken care of. Which kind of pisses me off.

And now, your moment of Geek Zen.

2006-12-13T15:50:00.000-08:00

I have an early day tomorrow.

2006-11-07T19:23:00.000-08:00

The wife and I have spent the better part of the evening arguing about politics. She's at practice. I'm going to bed because I have to get up at 5:15 to go to the airport.

I am five years old.

2006-10-31T17:52:00.000-08:00

Our Fargo trip finally happened today. Sat on the plane next to the founder/chairman, the president, and the head of transportation on the way back. We were, appropriately, watching Fargo on the TV's. Most of the development department was in the back with the leasing guy having some sort of meeting about a project I'm not really involved in. I sat next to them on the way out, so I didn't feel bad sitting up front on the way back. (Not that there was room in back, anyway.)

The president of the company asked if I wanted to sit in the rumble seat (which is located halfway inside the cockpit) when we landed. Of course I said yes.

I spent the last twenty minutes or so inside the cockpit figuring out what all the dials and switches do. I talked with the pilot and copilot about what was going on. I asked if Microsoft Flight Simulator is very realistic. It is.

Watching a plane land from inside the cockpit is just about the coolest thing you can see on an airplane. I don't even know if I can adequately describe what it looks like. Imagine the end of a mission in "Top Gun" for the NES, but about a billion times cooler. You're coming toward the runway, you can tell that there's some wind because you're drifting a bit from side to side. There's some yaw, but not too much. You've basically got the computer making sure you're all lined up and you've got to watch the throttle. The computer starts telling you your altitude.

I've been thinking a lot lately about getting a pilot's license. Probably not for a jet, but for a small plane. I don't think I'll ever be able to get April to go up with me, however.

What's that smell?

2006-10-29T15:29:00.000-08:00

The wife is hungover today. Like Ryan: November 1st, 2002 hungover. Bad news.

She's slept pretty much the entire day, although she's kind of moving now. Poor kid.

The Ryan Horror Picture Show

2006-10-28T17:10:00.000-07:00

We're prepping for a derby-Halloween party. April can't decide what she's going to wear. At a different party last night she went as a Stepford wife. Today she's freaking about either going as a zombie Stepford wife, Enid, or zombie Amelia Earhart. I'm going as Zombie Elvis, M.D. I think I can run this for a few years: Samurai Elvis: Attorney at Law, Father Elvis: D.D.S, Senior Vice President of Organic Meats: Lt. Commander Elvis.

This is probably the most comfortable costume I've ever worn. Scrubs are magnificent. I also bought a lab coat and made a fake hospital ID badge, which I laminated at Kinkos. Good times.

At least I get an hour of sleep back tonight.

Almost forgot

2006-10-22T11:01:00.000-07:00

I meant to post this on Thursday, but it slipped my mind until a Casino Royale trailer showed up on TV.

While in Tennessee earlier this week, my travel companions consisted of a guy with a Walt Disney mustache who sounded like Wallace Shawn, and a guy from England who looks EXACTLY like Daniel Craig. Just thought you might like to know.

I'm a party animal.

2006-10-22T07:47:00.000-07:00

Last night, I went to sleep at 6:30 PM. My sister's boyfriend called me at 10. I didn't pick up, but I assume it had something to do with baseball.

.....Or not.

2006-10-17T16:53:00.000-07:00

We took off this morning promptly at 9 (Private jets are the best. You show up at the tarmac ten minutes before takeoff and just hop on the plane. No lines, no security. Just travel.)

At 12,500 feet, we weren't able to pressurize the cabin. Apparently this becomes important around 13,500 feet. We ended up landing about 45 minutes after takeoff and had to reschedule the trip for a little more than two weeks from now while they made repairs to the plane.

Still taking another trip tomorrow. Just got back from Walgreens where I purchased tiny versions (less than 3 ounces) of all my toiletries so that I wouldn't have to check a bag. This is nowhere near as fun as the private jet.

Come Fly With Me....

2006-10-16T16:12:00.000-07:00

In the next 72 hours, I will travel 2,630 miles by air. Not one of these miles will be on my preferred airline, so I won't get to accumulate any frequent flier miles. (I have a frequent flier account with every major airline in the United States, so I will actually accumulate miles, but not those of my preferred carrier: American Airlines.)

Normally, I'd be slightly disappointed about this. Not today.

Tomorrow's flight (3 legs, 1,694 miles) will be on a Gulfstream G5, the $46,000,000 private aircraft of the company founder. (Bonus: He's coming along.) Taking the plane is cool enough; facetime with the company bigwigs is gravy.

I'll happily give up the opportunity to earn miles for both experiences.

Wednesday's flight is commercial: 2 legs, 468 miles. It's on US Air, so I won't get any AA miles. But since I just found out about it today, and we're flying from one small market to another, the ticket was $800. This is good because I put it on my American Airlines credit card, so I'll actually get 800 miles for purchasing it, just not for flying it. We fly back Thursday.

Extra bonus: everyone on the Wednesday/Thursday trip is staying at the Hilton. By the time I was invited along, it was sold out, so I'm staying at a Marriott down the street (my preferred hotel) where I'll get to accumulate Marriott points.

All of this eventually adds up to free vacations, which is obviously a good thing.

Rental Car Goodness

2006-10-13T15:07:00.000-07:00

Rented a car this week when I was in Madison on business. The guy at the counter was really excited because he had a Malibu to rent me. "My favorite car in the lot" he told me. I smiled politely and took the keys.

I hate American cars. Specifically, I hate American design, American engineering, and American construction. About the only thing I like about American cars is that they're cheap to repair. Which is a good thing, because, as I mentioned earlier, they're designed, engineered, and manufactured in America.

The Malibu Maxx (I guess you could call it a wagon, or a hatchback. It's schizophrenia in car form) didn't suck as bad as I was expecting it to. Granted, it only had 6,000 miles on it, so it won't start falling apart for a few more weeks. I liked the remote startup feature. Didn't start the car once while I was sitting in it over the course of three days. Will definitely look for something like that in my next car. Liked the auto-stick feature (wherein you can control when the car shifts gears, without a clutch pedal) but I will never buy a car with this feature. Why? After twenty minutes, the smell of burning car parts begin to fill the cabin. I remarked to my clueless (and much older, boring, lame) coworker that "someone must be burning some tires or something" before switching back to regular automatic mode because he would very much disapprove of me setting the car on fire.

I drove the hell out of the car. Floored it everywhere we went. Redlined it as frequently as possible. Randomly turned off traction control in the middle of hard accelerations. Slammed on the brakes. In three days, we used a half a tank of gas. The thing really surprised me the mileage it was getting with the way I was driving it.

All in all, would I buy one? Hell no. Would I rent one again? Hell yes.

Holy shit!

2006-10-06T13:02:00.000-07:00

The flute started at $13,000. Final sale price: $40,000.

Formatting photos and text.

2006-10-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

I give up on blogger.

I'm going to lose The Inner Fight

2006-10-05T15:29:00.000-07:00

Good news: Star Trek auction started today. Bad news: Too many rich geeks.

Case in point: Captain Picard's Enterprise E Chair.

Projected to go for up to $9,000. Final sale price: $52,000.

This doesn't bode well for my Ressikan flute dreams, despite my bidding over twice the projected high.

It's a good thing I didn't put in a bid for Worf's baldric sash. I couldn't handle double disappointment.

Stir it up.

2006-10-01T07:59:00.000-07:00

Is it wrong to use Blogger to stir shit up for no good reason? I think not.

April secretly likes beating me up, and I've now given her two good reasons to today.

I should get out more.

2006-10-01T07:56:00.000-07:00

At last nights roller derby awards banquet, I saw enough nipples and hot lesbian action that I was beginning to think I was at the AVN awards. Apparently this isn't all that unusual at these OHRG functions, of which I have been invited to several, but haven't gone to any (outside of the bouts.) This will change. April will hit me now. Good times.

Dear God.

2006-10-01T07:49:00.000-07:00

I should hook up a breathalyzer to my computer to allow me access to Blogger.

I am equal parts amused and embarrassed.

A fine people, ze Germans.

2006-09-29T17:51:00.000-07:00

I'ts 8:45. I'm drunk.

Ocktoberfest.

I've consume much German food and beer. Too full for funnel ckae, limburger cheese sandmawich and jalapeno sauerkratu balls. I'm going tomororw when April is at wokr.

Goin gto bed now.

Full and happy.

The Kids Are All Right.

2006-09-25T18:42:00.000-07:00

April and I just watched the Green Day / U2 performance leading in to Monday Night Football. April pointed out that if you pretend it was the Kids in the Hall performing, it was really funny.

Dave Foley was Billy Joe.
Scott Thompson was Tre Cool.
The Edge played himself.
Bruce McCullough was Bono.
Mark McKinney was Mike Dirnt.
Kevin MacDonald was.....a microphone stand?

Anyway. It was laugh out loud funny. I'm sure this will be on YouTube. Check it out.

A long time ago....we used to be friends....

2006-09-21T04:30:00.000-07:00

For someone who doesn't watch TV, I sure watch a lot of TV.

Case in point: Last night after work I changed clothes and immediately starting watching my Veronica Mars DVDs. I bought them back in October '05, but they lanquished on my shelf for about a year, the victim of me already owning several hundred seasons of TV shows on DVD and being impossibly behind. Then April recommended it (the direct result of the good dr recommending it) so I moved it up the queue and I started last weekend. I'm hooked.

Anyway, at 9:55, I finish an episode and go downstairs, my plan being to watch Project Runway, the only show that I, like most straight men in central Ohio, make an effort to watch live.

I'm informed by April (who is watching season two of Lost, marathon style) that "it isn't on tonight" and head back upstairs to watch more Veronica Mars.

Seriously, I think that was the extent of my exercise yesterday. Sad.

Anyway, I've gone and declared that not only is VM a fun show, but that Kristen Bell is totally "rockin' hawt" as the titular character. April disagrees. This has been the subject of much debate in our household.

Phone Time.

2006-09-16T13:26:00.000-07:00

Talking with Yi on the phone is an adventure. Until he randomly hangs up on you.

Two rants, a rave (and a pizza place?)

2006-09-13T18:54:00.000-07:00

Rant One: The Garbage Bitch. Last night I caught a neighbor who completely filled up our entire new and three times the size garbage can with her trash, leaving no room for our own. I proceeded to remove all of her garbage from our container, fill it up with our own trash, and put it out to the curb. Our trash was collected this morning. Her trash remains at the side of the building. I also sent another complaint to the city refuse department about somebody illegally dumping their trash into my container. I'm not sure which unit they're in, but I do know which building they're in, and the refuse department wanted that information. Hopefully there's some sort of big fine for her. In any event, I had to resort to lugging the trash can back into our backyard to hide it again this morning. Such a pain.

Rant Two: Circuit City = Sucky City. Seriously, Circuit City is the worst shopping experience imaginable, and has been for years. Not only are you greeted with entire sections of the store that are completely empty, not having been restocked in weeks, but they're always out of everything that comes out on Tuesday by mid-afternoon because they only get three of everything. And you can't schedule an in-store pickup like you can at Best Buy to reserve one of the three copies. And the customer service is atrocious. Laughably bad. Ten guys sitting around in the front of the store, none of whom have a clue or the ability to help, and one person at the checkout counter, despite a line that stretches 17 people deep. And it's not just my Circuit City. I've seen this at every Circuit City I've visited throughout the country. Shameful.

Rave: Han Shoots First. I still hate George Lucas. I hope he and every possible heir dies so that his films somehow end up the property of the state, where they are held for public auction, and purchased by someone who is not a total choad. Last night April and I watched the original Star Wars, without any of the bastardizations that have plagued the franchise since the Special Editions. (I'm sorry, but when you've seen a film 473 times, it's because you love it. And when changes are made to it, and you're told that you can't watch that version anymore, it pisses you off.) Thankfully, the original movies are available for the first time on DVD, even though they're listed as a bonus feature of the retarded versions that came out in the late 90's. And, of course, Lucas did a real half-ass job getting these out as a non-anamorphic port of the LaserDisc transfer. But I'll take a non-anamorphic, grainy, popping-sound version of the unaltered trilogy over any version of the craptacular special editions. I still want Lucas to die, but based on this release, I no longer care if it's painful or not.

And now for the sadness.

2006-09-05T20:04:00.000-07:00

Went home to St. Louis for the long weekend. Spent some time with my parents and the best friends I'll ever have. At one point in between bouts of laughter and exhaustion on Sunday night, I nearly started to cry because I knew that I was coming back to Columbus on Monday, and that I wouldn't see any of these people again until late December.

April couldn't talk to me at the airport on Monday, she was so sad to be leaving. I almost lost it, too.

In any event, I can't wait to go back.

Packing

2006-08-30T20:44:00.000-07:00

Headed to St. Louis tomorrow! w00t!

Seriously, though. I hate packing. I can't find things.

Sigh.

2006-08-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

Tired. Cranky. Watching video games. Lusting after an Ariel Atom.

2006-08-14T18:06:00.000-07:00

I couldn't be happier with my wife than I am right now. Last night she was an integral part of her team's victory over the Sprockettes and they'll be playing for the championship in September.

They're up against a team who plays very dirty and whose slogan is "It's worth the penalty." Hopefully the refs won't let half the shit slide that they did yesterday.

Insomnia and insanity have arrived.

2006-08-12T22:18:00.000-07:00

April's asleep in the other room, ready to wake up in about six hours to help set up for today's roller derby bout. I'm in here making 3D wire maps of her face (you know, just in case she's mauled by bears) with Illustrator. I'd been without Photoshop and Illustrator for a little over a year....ever since I upgraded to Tiger on my computer. They always hung up on opening while trying to access web updates. I deleted and reinstalled to no avail. Finally someone gave me the tip to just unhook my computer from the internet while starting them, and change the settings so that they don't automatically try to access the internet for updates that aren't there.

Worked like a charm.

Needless to say, I'm very glad to have them back. I was a little rusty with both programs, but I'm starting to remember what I knew and learning a few new tricks as I delve into them further.

Trash Redux.

2006-08-10T18:49:00.000-07:00

So I complained to the city about people dumping trash in my can. When I came home from work on Tuesday we had a bigger trash can.

I wonder how much they're going to charge me for this.

Trash Day.

2006-08-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

Seriously, I'm getting sick of this shit. I went to take out our trash tonight, and the fucking container was completely full of other people's trash. It's not like the city provides us a very big trashcan (32 gallon....tiny....) and this is the second week in a row I've only been able to partially throw out trash.

I'm hiding it in the backyard from now on. Fuckers.

Smart? Apparently not.

2006-07-18T18:23:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to post about this for a few weeks now, but I kept forgetting. The SMART car is coming to the United States. This news made me absolutely ecstatic, as I'd been hoping against hope for a US launch of this lovely two-seater.

Unfortunately, my joy turned to sadness at the news the AP beared.

The SMART is being turned into a much larger vehicle for the US market.

Seriously, don't these dumbasses as Daimler-Chrysler know that the reason people liked the car is because it looks like this:

It's this kind of automotive retardation that makes me absolutely against the idea of a federal bailout for the "Big Three". I won't even buy a Nissan if the merger happens, because there will still be GM stink all over the whole thing. It's Toyota only for me from now on....but only if they're made in Nippon.

Remember remember the fifth of November...

2006-07-15T07:13:00.000-07:00

Attention both of my readers: Do you know where I can get one of the DC Direct "V for Vendetta" masks? If you can track one down, let me know. The eBay hunt hasn't been very fruitful.

Get that corn outta my face!

2006-07-09T19:17:00.000-07:00

Saw Nacho Libre today....and while the film wasn't nearly as entertaining as Napoleon Dynamite, there was corn swathed in butter and paprika that featured pretty predominately in the picture. Looked tasty, so that's what we made for dinner.

Four ears of corn later, I've got some sort of corn hangover.