Indiana Jones and the Stolen $12.50 (SPOILERS!!!!)

I feel cheated.

George Lucas, the anti-Midas (everything he touches turns to shit), has ruined yet another franchise of my youth. This movie was a complete wreck from start to finish. Literally. The first shot is a retarded CGI prairie dog who returns several retarded times throughout the film. The last shot is the end of a wedding between Indy and Marion. Completely pointless. Completely stupid. Completely Lucas.

Spielberg and Ford were apparently very excited about the Frank Darabont script. So excited, in fact, that George Lucas decided to throw it away. And shit on it. And hire somebody to write a script based on his story.

I am so angry right now. Angry at the crappy M. Night Shyamalan-esque direction and fifteen-minutes-into-the-exposition-and-you've-already-figured-out-the-big-surprise-twist-ending story. Angry at the fucking monkey-trapeze bullshit. Angry at lame CGI effects. Angry at Shia LaBeouf's Jar-Jar lameness. Angry at everything. It didn't just not work, it fell flat in every possible way imaginable.

I can only imagine Back to the Future IV is next, complete with both a trip to a future where we are ruled by alien-robot overlords and trip to the Triassic era in an effort to create a paradox that eliminates this distopian future. Sigh.