It's been awhile.

So, I still have a job. I didn't think I was going to make it to Christmas, but now I'm on vacation for the rest of the year.

We'll see how long this lasts. Hopefully they realize it would be incredibly short-sighted to eliminate our department, because it's going to be that much harder to replace staff after the economy turns around when they're not the high-bidder.

I totally lose my shit at the end of part 2. Also part 3. And 4.

It was a very good day.

So far today I have:

1) Fed a camel
2) Gone for a ride in the Batcopter from the 1960's TV series
3) Eaten deep-fried garlic mashed potatoes on a stick
4) Raced against my wife on a giant slide (she won)
5) Watched a lamb win grand prize
6) Saw a life-size cow and calf made out of butter (as well as a Mt. Rushmore type sculpture featuring all 8 Presidents from Ohio)

He's so arrogant and pompous I want to kiss him.

How am I always the last to know these things?

Yesterday I found out that my wife starts school on Monday and that it was her last day at work.

Thanks for keeping me informed, honey.

What time is it? Time for awesome!

I have become obsessed with watches. This could be become dangerous.

The primary object of my obsession: the Omega Speedmaster Professional. This picture doesn't really do it justice, but this is the watch they wore on the FUCKING MOON! This picture is model 3570.50, but I may see if I can find a used 3572.50, which has been discontinued, but looks identical save for a display back so I can watch all the gears move. It's a manual-wind, which could be fun.



Second, this is the Tag Heuer Monaco Chronograph. Steve FUCKING McQueen wore this watch in LeMans. That is all.



Third, one of the most iconic watches of the past 50 years: the Rolex Submariner. This thing has barely changed since 1954. And Sean Connery wears one in the early Bond films.



The Hamilton Ventura: the most affordable watch on the list, but also the least practical for day to day wear. Still totally awesome. Quartz movement is somewhat less exciting, however.



Finally, I really like these Bell & Ross Instrument watches. They're totally rad, totally laughably insane, but may ultimately turn out to be a fad.

Wii Fit: My sad, obese lifestyle is ending?

We went to GameStop yesterday, right before wasting money on Indiana Jones. I asked the manager if they had any Wii Fits in stock. "Technically, no" he replied "but we've given people six days to pick these things up" before grabbing one from the back room. If anyone asked, I was to tell them I pre-ordered it, because they had apparently told "about 400 people" that they didn't have any non-reserved copies.

If any of this is true, I care not. He sold me one, and that's all that matters.

Hooked it up last night, and I spent about a half hour playing it. I was sore today. Not Wii-Sports boxing sore, but I am morbidly obese, and this "exercise" thing is new to me. Yesterday's WiiFit age: 39. Today's: 31. So there's some progress.

I have bad balance, but I can actually see this helping me with that. It's got a bunch of sensors, and it's fun. So fun you don't really realize you're exercising. That is, until 30 minutes later when you realize that your fat, swollen body is covered in sweat. Like you've just finished eating or masturbating or something.

Apparently I've already lost 3.3 pounds, although the measurements were taken at different times of day, and the Wii Fit tells me that I'm probably fatter than the scale indicates because 4:30 isn't the same as 12:00 and I should eat some broccoli so that people will like me again.

Anyway, here's to a (hopefully) thinner, less morbidly obese me.

Indiana Jones and the Stolen $12.50 (SPOILERS!!!!)

I feel cheated.

George Lucas, the anti-Midas (everything he touches turns to shit), has ruined yet another franchise of my youth. This movie was a complete wreck from start to finish. Literally. The first shot is a retarded CGI prairie dog who returns several retarded times throughout the film. The last shot is the end of a wedding between Indy and Marion. Completely pointless. Completely stupid. Completely Lucas.

Spielberg and Ford were apparently very excited about the Frank Darabont script. So excited, in fact, that George Lucas decided to throw it away. And shit on it. And hire somebody to write a script based on his story.

I am so angry right now. Angry at the crappy M. Night Shyamalan-esque direction and fifteen-minutes-into-the-exposition-and-you've-already-figured-out-the-big-surprise-twist-ending story. Angry at the fucking monkey-trapeze bullshit. Angry at lame CGI effects. Angry at Shia LaBeouf's Jar-Jar lameness. Angry at everything. It didn't just not work, it fell flat in every possible way imaginable.

I can only imagine Back to the Future IV is next, complete with both a trip to a future where we are ruled by alien-robot overlords and trip to the Triassic era in an effort to create a paradox that eliminates this distopian future. Sigh.